King of Pop Creamed in Butter Poll: Boycott Immanent

Each summer the Iowa State Fair provides a plethora of carnival excitement and bovine-inspired fun for families and fair-goers of all ages. This year, however, HTM fervently asks (nay, DEMANDS!) that its loyal readers boycott the ISF for its outrageous (nay, DEPLORABLE!) position regarding buttery visages of the King of Pop.

One of the more popular attractions at the ISF is the butter sculpture exhibition, which is sponsored each year by the Midwest Dairy Association. In an online poll, Iowa citizens, PETA activists, and potential ISF attendees voted overwhelmingly against the creation of a Michael Jackson butter sculpture. Kent Lehs, a manager with MDA, claims that Jackson’s achievements as a performer did not factor into the decision, but rather concerns were “more pointed toward the things he was implicated on in his personal life.” While we here at HTM whole-heartedly agree that grown men should not sleep in the nude with minors (under any conditions), we also recognize that a 12 person jury found Jackson ‘not guilty’ of any wrong-doing in the matter. Regardless of what one thinks of MJ’s personal demons and the accusations against him, he nonetheless is a popular culture icon (perhaps the greatest performer of his generation) who deserves his day in butter.

To add some irony to the ISF debacle, sculptors had planned to feature Jackson this summer well before his sudden death. Sara Pratt, who in 2006 became the Fair’s official butter sculptress, had every intention of sculpting Jackson in his ‘moonwalk’ pose as a means to commemorate the 40th anniversary of Neil Armstrong’s walk on the moon. Oddly enough, Jackson’s death (and subsequent moral concerns over how he should be memorialized) generated over 100,000 votes in the poll that ultimately decided Jackson’s buttery fate – 65% of which felt unfavorably toward a lard likeness of MJ.

What angers us most about the butter bust of ’09 is the blatant hypocrisy the citizens of Iowa so eagerly engage in. Past recipients of butter sculptures include Darth Vader (pure evil), Elvis (glutton), Marilyn (addict), Jesus Christ and his apostles (most of whom were married to 12 year olds), and Richard “I am not a crook” Nixon … There is clearly something wrong with the people of Iowa, and thus the only sensible repercussion is a complete (nay, VIOLENT!) boycott of any and all ISF activities. For what it’s worth, the next time we here at HTM sit down to butter-up a baked potato or happen to be snacking on some lard, we will not hesitate to mold our own mini-moonwalker.