Mukmuk and Crew: Next Big Thing to Hit Vancouver

The mascots for the upcoming 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver are somewhat disappointing. Mukmuk, Sumi, Quatchi, and Miga were designed to represent mythological animals in Canadian lore. Miga is apparently a sea bear and Quatchi is supposed to be a sasquatch – which actually seems pretty terrifying if you ask me. Also, I recall encountering a creature which may (or may not) have been Sumi in a nightmare I once had as a child ... Look how far apart their eyes are! Like they have fetal alcohol syndrom or something.

Why is it the vast majority of Olympic mascots seem to be designed by people whose biggest gallery showing was likely their mom’s refrigerator? Here is a brief sampling of what I believe to be some of the best and the worst Olympic mascots. Even the “best” ones aren’t that good, so don’t get too excited.

WORST OLYMPIC MASCOTS

1980 (winter, Lake Placid) … The plan was to have the mascot be a real live raccoon named Rocky who they wanted to reveal at the opening ceremonies. However, Rocky sadly died before the torch made it through the Olympic Village. Someone quickly found a box of crayons and Rocky was replaced by his cartoon counterpart, Roni.
1968 (winter, Grenoble) … The first ever Olympic mascot may in fact be the worst. “Schuss” is supposed to be a skier but looks more like a tadpole or testicle squatting on a balance beam.

1996 (summer, Atlanta) … Americans demonstrate to the world just how powerful recreational narcotics can be when they unveil “Izzy.” This is almost as embarrassing as being from "that school that refused to give Barack Obama an honorary degree.” BEST OLYMPIC MASCOTS

1972 (summer, Munich) … Waldi the dachshund evokes the bridging of two of the most important aspects of modern life: peaceful coexistence and weiner dogs.

1988 (summer, Seoul) Big smiley tigers always work. This particular design was intended to represent Frosted Flakes.

1988 (winter, Calgary) …The names of the bears, Howdy and Hidi, are meant to symbolize “the warmth of Canadian hospitality” … Well done Canada! I guess we can forgive you for Vancouver.